When I want to reject something, why must I come up with an excuse (mostly, lies) in order not to hurt the other party? I dunno about the other Asian society, but, for the environment where I live in, that's how it is.
Why can't I get straight to the point? For example, when the annoying bank telemarketers call you, unless you lie or curse yourself that you just lost your job, they will go on and on and on. Even if you said, "I'm not interested!" Some even asked, "Why not?"
You dun want to be rude, but somehow they kinda provoke you, do they? In this situation, I came up with good lie (more towards cursing myself), by saying, "I just got fired". Then, they'll shut up immediately, and let you go.
The other situation, when someone needs a favor from you, and you don't want to help, you just can't say No, for the reason, "I dun want to". You have to come up with some craps and lies. I dun get it. Why can't I just say, "No. Sorry."? This is the part where I admire the western people. They are free to just say, "No. Sorry". Or they can give the excuse, "No. I'm just not comfortable with that" or "I dun want to. No reason."
Why can't I do that? I've been telling myself a lot of times, to just say no, without giving any excuses. But, in some situation, it just fails, especially when the other party seems to be 100% sure that there'll be no rejection from my side. For example, when they are trying to take advantage over me, instead of asking me favor, which they think they are asking for favors.
They asked questions like, "Hey... I'm going to Singapore for holidays. Wanna stay at your house. Is that okay?"
And you obviously are not comfortable with guests staying at your house for days, for whatever reasons, like, you are not close to them, you are particular with your house tidiness, you dun like crowds at home or you just dun like guests. You can't be honest with them for whatever reasons you are not comfortable with!
You need to come up with some excuses, that will give them impressions that you REALLY want them to stay, but you just can't.
You need to come up with some excuses, that will give them impressions that you REALLY want them to stay, but you just can't.
I totally hate this situation. Why must I lie? Why can't they put themselves in my shoes before everything else?
The reason why I dun like people staying at my place is because, "THEIR REASON FOR STAYING IS NOT FOR VISITING ME, BUT TO SAVE MONEY FOR ACCOMMODATION!" I'm not providing free hotel services.
Even the very stranger, who is somehow related to you somewhere and never keep in touch for decades, suddenly start building the connection for the sake of saving accommodation expenses. Why? And, the scariest part of all is, when you say, "Oh... No space for X amount of people in the guest bedroom.", they reply, "Oh that's fine... We can just sleep on the floor, or we can remove the bed and make some space."
Maybe to them, this is something normal to do, I dunno. I did join the holiday trip once, where I had to squeeze 10 people in one bedroom. I dunno how to enjoy such condition. For twin sharing hotel room, the most I can tolerate is, 4 people per room! Not more than that. And that's for hotel, a place where you pay them money to do all the craps you want to. Not my house!
It's tough... Really tough to deal with people, who take no for an answer, and always make assumptions that we dun mind. A lot of times, I miss my family back in town, but when I think about the society pressure, it scares the hell out of me. I couldn't take the pressure where people always want to butt in to your matters, look at you as if you were alien, and make false assumptions that you won't reject whatever favor they want, and so on and so forth. It's just too hard! Maybe I should just consider change my citizenship, for the better life of my family.
